Turning your Trauma to Triumph

Can a trauma, such as the death of a child, death of a spouse, the news that you are going blind or that you have terminal cancer be changed into a positive? Or is it not possible? When a major tragedy happens to you, are you doomed to live with the pain and the heartbreak for the rest of your life?

After a tragedy, some people choose to live with the grief the rest of their lives. For them, to give up the pain is to abandon that loved one. Hanging onto grief is a way of keeping that person close to them. For other people, the grief and pain acts as a safeguard against getting close to another person. Their mantra is often, “I can’t stand to be hurt that way again.” These people often see themselves as weak and emotional pain as terminal.

In some mysterious way, other people feel responsible for what happened. Because they feel guilty, they will hang onto grief and pain as a way of punishing themselves. “I should have told them that I love them before they left.” “I should have done something; I don’t know what, but I should have done something!”
Two questions that you need to be asking yourself are, “Do I really want to move on with my life and find happiness?”  And/or, “Is it OK if I choose to stay in my pain and grief?”

For you, what is the purpose of hanging onto loses and regrets from the past? Or, a better way of asking that question is, what does hanging onto losses and regrets from the past do for you? From an early age, you accepted certain expectations of how your life and the lives of those you love were going to turn out. Many of those expectations never happened! They were your expectations that you had created that did not work out.  If you are the one who created the expectations that did not work out, then you can create new ones that will work out.

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