It will be difficult to move forward in life if you are busy strategizing ways with which you could please others: despite, you are losing the respect of those you intend to please.
It’s natural, to be respected and loved is what we all crave for. But, do we really have to pay such a huge price?
‘To please is a disease’ – As stated by psychologist Harriet Braiker. When it turns excess, it becomes addiction. Just as a drug addict seeks drug, a people pleaser also seeks approval.
People pleasers depend on others to know their self-worth. Their “personal feeling of security and self-confidence is based on getting the approval of others,” said Linda Tillman, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist in Atlanta, GA and assertiveness expert.
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Also supported by ‘The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It — And Mean It and Stop People-pleasing Forever‘ – authored by Susan Newman, Ph.D, a New Jersey-based social psychologist:
They put everyone else before themselves,” she said. For some, saying “yes” is a habit; for others, “it’s almost an addiction that makes them feel like they need to be needed.” This makes them feel important and like they’re “contributing to someone else’s life.
Though, aiming at pleasing people is a good trait that will actually win you popularity and friends, but doing it to some excessive degree could damage your personality in so many ways.
Let’s briefly look at the signs and burdens.
Signs and burdens of People Pleasers
- They put themselves financially out of pocket as a result of their desire to please.
- People pleasers’ fear of abandonment may be so strong that they stay in an abusive relationship rather than leave.
- In the process of pleasing someone else, people pleasers give up little self-respect.
- Always back down from arguments.
- They will never say ‘No’ to anyone.
- It isn’t unusual for people pleasers to find themselves in abusive relationships and being taken advantage of.
How to Stop Being a People Pleaser
Remember you have the right to say ‘No’
It’s time to take your life back. Remember that you always have a choice to say no when confronted with some tasks you never wish to yield to.
- Raise your sense of self-worth and self-esteem.
Use an empathic assertion.
According to Tillman: Using an empathic assertion “means that you put yourself in the other person’s shoes as you assert yourself,” So you let the person know that you understand where they’re coming from, but unfortunately, you can’t help. – psychcentral.
- Stop basing your self-worth on how much you do for other people.
- Don’t accept blames if they are not valid.
- Don’t let others take advantage of you.
REFERENCE The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It -- And Mean It and Stop People-pleasing Forever' - Susan Newman, Ph.D, a New Jersey-based social psychologist. Mindpub : People pleasers - Vijai P. Sharma, Ph.D