Being in relationship is what everyone seeks for; it’s that very area of life we nurture and value mostly. But, are you in a relationship where you are solely responsible for the happiness with nothing in return? Are you trapped in making lots of sacrifices to help sustain your addicted partner’s happiness?
Codependency, an unhealthy relationship in which one person have the feelings that he or she can’t just exist without the other person, thereby supporting the addictive behavior of other, either overtly or inadvertently; a form of addictive helping. Researchers say people who survived some forms of emotional abuse are likely to enter such relationship.
Codependency is too broad to be fully discussed in this article. Jonathan Becker, assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tennessee added his view:
“Codependency is typically discussed in the context of substance use, where one person is abusing the substance, and he or she depends on the other person to supply money, food, or shelter. But codependency is much broader than that.”
Being at this end of relationship is stressful; it seems as if it’s true love, but experts in the field say a codependent person is only a love addict that needed urgent help.
Followings are the delusions of every codependent person as shared by researchers:
Trouble communicating one’s feelings and needs i.e. Dysfunctional communication. A codependent person is sometimes afraid of saying his needs, because he wouldn’t like to upset someone else.
Codependent person feels for other people’s wants, feelings, well-being and destiny.
Doing things he or she doesn’t really want to be doing. A codependent person often find himself saying ‘no’ when he means yes. Additionally, codependent person takes on the responsibility of another person.
A codependent person feels he’s not good enough. As a symptom of low self-esteem, he feels unlovable, and consequently tries at all cost to please the other person not minding the cost. A codependent person might be putting himself last and focusing on the other person.
When there are no problem to solve or someone to help, a codependent person feels empty, worthless and bored.
Feels sad when nobody gives back to them; because they’ve been spending their whole lives giving to others.
Always finds himself in the nest of needy people.
A codependent person believes others are responsible for the way he or she feels i.e. it’s someone else’s responsibility to make him or her happy. They often make partners feel guilty for their future i.e. if relationship breaks up, his or her partner is to be held responsible for how worthless life would be.
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Codependent person does that which is right for others but have difficulty making decisions for own’s life.
Paul H. Wright, Katherine D. Wright: The Two Faces of Codependent Relating – , Volume 21, Issue 4, pp 527-543
Van Der Wal D: Codependency: a concomitant field of interest in research into the phenomenon caring.