Don’t be surprised that some phrases you often think are harmless can bring out resentment and other less-than-desirable sentiments in your kids. Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions and author of ‘If I Have to Tell You One More Time’ noted that, “We have the best of intentions, but often we say things to our kids without thought to how it’s being perceived by the child.”
“Leave Me Alone!”
Trouble is, when you routinely tell your kids, “Don’t bother me” or “I’m busy,” they internalize that message, says Suzette Haden Elgin, Ph.D., founder of the Ozark Center for Language Studies, in Huntsville, Arkansas.
“They begin to think there’s no point in talking to you because you’re always brushing them off.”
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Does Punishment Make Better Kids?
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Try Again.
Aren’t you saying ‘You are so lazy’ to a kid that just frustrated you?
Any comment that makes it seem as though you’re not satisfied with her efforts can not only be discouraging to your child, but can also do the opposite of motivating her to try harder, Amy stated. Be clear about what you expect from your kid while saying ‘Try Again.’
If you’re talking about academics, “take note of times she does go the extra mile,” such as: “Wow! That extra time spent on your book report really shows!”
“Why Can’t You Be More Like Your Brother/Sister?”
Comparisons always backfire. Your child is herself, never compare her with anyone else.
Experts say it’s natural for parents to compare their kids, to look for a frame of reference about their milestones or their behavior. But don’t let your child be aware. Because, kids develop at their own pace and have their own temperament and personality.
Your kids behavior won’t change when you pressured them to do something they are not ready for. It will only leave them in confusion as it undermines their self-confidence.
“Great Job.”
Research shows that repeating this phrase often, every time your kid performs well makes her depends on your affirmation rather than her own motivation, says Parents advisor Jenn Berman, Psy.D., author of The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids
References
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Amy McCready: Book- If I Have to Tell You One More Time…:
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Jenn Berman, Psy.D: The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids
Hi Moses,
Wonderful post indeed 🙂
I liked all the things you mentioned, and you are right, these should never be told to your kids. Being parents you need to take utmost care not to hurt their feelings and do things or say those that uplift, inspire, and bring positive thoughts in them.
Thanks for sharing. Have a nice weekend 🙂
Thanks Harleena for taking time to digest this article and for your sharing. Indeed, we need to carefully handle them. I really appreciate your comment. Thanks as you read more on my blog.