To check if you are truly a victim, see if you have made any of these statements at some time in your life. Each one of these statements is a victim’s statement. Check to see how many fit for you. Be honest; you cannot change from victim to victor unless you are willing to tell the truth.
You can read the previous post on Are you a Victim or a Victor for a comprehensive guide.
Next, listen for your defensive response. Many of your defensive responses will begin with a “but” or a “because.” For instance: “You make me anxious because you are always talking.” Or “I am not loveable, because my breasts are not large enough.” Or, “You made me hit you, but it was because of the way you acted.” The “But’s and Because’s” are your excuses for continuing your victim thinking. It gives your behavior a reason to exist. “Give something a reason to exist and it will persist.” With each of these statement, it would be easy to add a “but or because” to justify your behaviors. Don’t Do It! Now, read each statement carefully considering whether or not it fits for you.
You and/or people are making me anxious. (because I was born anxious)
I have no choice. (because I was pregnant)
You have my heart in your hands! (because you have all the power)
I can’t live without you! (because I am not complete without you)
If I want a job done right, I have to do it myself. (etc. etc. etc.)
I just don’t know what I did for God to punish me like this!!
I just know the devil is at work in my life!
I’m not loveable.
I’m not pretty enough to go out with.
People I am close to often say hurtful things to me.
I’m not smart enough to go out with a doctor or lawyer. They are out of my league.
Men/women just don’t like or accept who I am (I’m too different).
If he/she loved me, they would change and do things the way I want them.
You made me do it.
I can’t stand to be wrong. I always have to prove I’m not wrong.
People I’m close to try to control me.
I’m not a negative person; I’m a realist.
Nobody needs/wants me.
This is too much for me to handle.
I cannot stand to be hurt this way again.
I just don’t have the time to do what you want me to do. (It’s times fault.)
Nobody loves me.
That’s just the way I am. I can’t help it.
If you would behave, I wouldn’t have to yell at you.
You made me hit you.
Awareness per se –
By and of itself –
Can be curative. Fritz Perls
Have you ever heard yourself say any of these? Almost everyone uses victim talk from time to time, and are not aware of how they create the illusion of powerlessness in their lives. Many people will resist the concept of being a victim. If you find yourself using excuses for your beliefs that start with because or but, you are a victim. Being a victim is not necessarily a bad thing, if you know that you are the one choosing to be the victim. If it’s your choice, then you can change it.
