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To check if you are truly a victim, see if you have made any of these statements at some time in your life. Each one of these statements is a victim’s statement. Check to see how many fit for you. Be honest; you cannot change from victim to victor unless you are willing to tell the truth.
You can read the previous post on Are you a Victim or a Victor for a comprehensive guide.
Next, listen for your defensive response. Many of your defensive responses will begin with a “but” or a “because.” For instance: “You make me anxious because you are always talking.” Or “I am not loveable, because my breasts are not large enough.” Or, “You made me hit you, but it was because of the way you acted.” The “But’s and Because’s” are your excuses for continuing your victim thinking. It gives your behavior a reason to exist. “Give something a reason to exist and it will persist.” With each of these statement, it would be easy to add a “but or because” to justify your behaviors. Don’t Do It! Now, read each statement carefully considering whether or not it fits for you.
You and/or people are making me anxious. (because I was born anxious)
I have no choice. (because I was pregnant)
You have my heart in your hands! (because you have all the power)
I can’t live without you! (because I am not complete without you)
If I want a job done right, I have to do it myself. (etc. etc. etc.)